I've faded into the corner.
I don't know when it happened, nor did I ever think it would happen to me. Always surrounded by friends, I was the last one to spend a Friday night alone. Witty words, phrases that caught the ear and remained on the tongues of total strangers, were coined by me on a regular basis. A vault of confidence for everyone else's stories and secrets, I never had one of my own.
I have one now.
And yet my conversations still start with, "I knew a friend who...." I am reluctant to let anyone in. I am willing to be overshadowed. In fact, I have encouraged it.
Attracted to the most boisterous people in the room, I sink into the sidelines, content to listen. When asked my opinion, I merely smile. This doesn't mean I don't have an opinion. I most certainly do. I haven't decided yet if it's my pride that gets in the way or if I truly am just content to hold onto my opinion like it's my only hope for a retirement fund.
The current shadow with whom I have covered myself tries to draw those opinions out of me. He's different than most of them and actually seems interested in what I think, and occasionally, when he's not being typically male, in what I feel. However... I never tell him. I hold that part of myself so carefully inside. First contact as not been made in a very long time.
Sure.... there are parts of me that I show. There are stories that everyone knows. I'm divorced. My three children are the loves of my life. Spiders terrify me. I believe my dreams are sometimes prophetic. Lemon tea makes me sleepy. I don't do drugs. Insomnia plagues me like hives. And speaking of hives, I'm allergic to pineapple.
These things don't define me. Everyone knows those parts. Which makes me ask myself, does that mean no one really knows the definition of me? Do I even know that definition?
I stop thinking at that point. Instead, I sit in my corner, sipping my tea and thinking not so deep thoughts about the weather and the state of the city streets. I am content to be overshadowed.
Other people are more interesting than I am anyway.
